It is strange to feel so busy and yet be bored with the same things.

I need to get out more. I have not had a date night since before Lotte was born. The only time we have been out without the kids was to buy Christmas presents. We spend every week running between practice, school, work, meets and in between we need to cook meals and clean the house.

I think I need to find a plan or way to make a change.

With all the troubles we have has this year, it has been amazing to finally have my family complete. We are all here under one roof and that is how I would like to keep it for a long time.

On October 31 Ryder died. It was heart breaking. And freeing at the same time.

A lot of the stress of knowing he was sick and not knowing what would happen are gone. We no longer have to deal with his mom and the evil things she does. Kyle can move on.

We have made it through the bankruptcy. We are still waiting for the townhouse to sell and so we are still paying for the HOA which sucks and is using a lot of our money, but that has to end eventually.

This was the last thing in a long line of a crazy year. I hope that 2012 is much happier.

Lotte has been an amazing blessing, we are living in a place I love and finally feels like a home. Most of our debt is now taken care of.

It is going to be okay. 2012 is going to be an amazing year.

I had my mental time table off so I got the boys up a little late and so we had to rush getting ready. Sean and I walked Stu and Sam to the bus. We got to the bus stop and realized that Sam had forgotten his paper work. So I got them on the bus and went back home to get the paperwork to take it to the school. It ended up taking 20 minutes to drop off one folder because I kept running into people who wanted/ needed to talk to me. I got back home and I still had to pump before school so I started to pump and I sent Sean to the bus stop. I finished and ran out the door because now my school starts in 20 minutes. As I drove by the bus stop Sean was still at the bus stop. I figured the bus was running late but I spent the whole day worried about Sean and if he got to school.

My dad went fine. I met my new kids and started another school day.

I picked Sean up and he told me about his insane day. The bus was 20 minutes early so Sean missed the the bus because the bus left without his. Once he realized that it was getting late he had started to walk to school. Half way there a neighbor picked him up and took him the rest of the way. Now he was late for the first day and he raced to his locker when he got there he found a note that said this locker is not available please see guidance.  He went to guidance to get a new locker and so he went to the new locker it had another persons things in it. So back to guidance again they had him leave his things in the office and go to class. Half way through the day he finally got a locker and things started to smooth out.

He did come home saying he likes middle school so that is a good thing.

I have a lot of challenges this year. I have two team taught classes, meaning I am teaching with a special ed teacher and I have several special ed kids in my classes. The kids are not the challenge I can handle the kids. The team teacher is the area of growth. She is as sped as the kids and we have taught together before and it was tough. We will see how it goes this year and how it will end up. As long as I stay true to who I am it should all work out, right?

I also have three THREE mentees. There is a mentor program at our school for new teachers and this year I was given three teachers to help. They all have their own needs as well so they are taking a lot of my time. I ended up going in on Saturday to work by myself so I could actually get stuff done.

I am really excited to be doing new things that are exciting and that not everyone is asked to do but it may be a long year.

Tomorrow is the first day.

I did not sleep much better last night but it was a bit easier. Today we are off to the grocery store and then to the pool I hope.

One more week before I head back to school. Next week we are full of appointments and the start of my school year. I have been asked to mentor a new teacher, there is still a possibility that I will not be able to because I have not been at my school for 3 years but there may be a loophole for me to be able to be a mentor. I am really excited for this opportunity this is my next step for being a teacher who teaches teachers. I hope some day to be able to be a cooperating teacher. I want to teach my students as well as new teachers.

On top of all of that school starts in 2 weeks and I don’t want to put Lotte back in daycare. I am ready for the boys to be back in school but not for daycare. I am worried that this will be the end of my nursing her. With all the struggles we have had I can’t believe we made it 6 months, I did not think we would make it 12 weeks. But I am not ready to quite. This is the last baby I will nurse and I don’t want to quite. I think a lot of it will depend on my schedule at school. I only get 30 minutes for lunch and I don’t really have any place private to pump so pumping at school sucks. I really need that 30 minutes to reboot for my afternoon so I need to stop pumping at lunch and as long as I have a plan close to lunch I will be able to pump but we will just have to see what happens.

So what else is on my mind right now. Sean going to middle school. I am so worried about how he will cope with the other kids. He has spend the summer reading personality books to see how he reacts to things and how others react to him. He seems to be coping better at home but we will see how it goes once school starts. We (Chris and I) have decided that is it time for  Sean to get better clothes for school, we will be going to the mall and I am sure dropping some money on clothes. This does not make my money stress any better but I know for me in school a big reason I was such a nerd was because I never had the right clothes. So while this may be my issue it will make be feel better if I do whatever I can to help him fit in. I love this kid and I just want things to be easier for him than it was for me.

What about Sam? How will he do this year at a new school now that he has an IEP and a diagnosis.  Will his new school support him in the way he needs? I just don’t know.

And Stu starts school for the first time. Will he still love his babies and princesses? Is he going to feel different because of who he is? I don’t even know.

On top of everything else I am trying to lose weight again and I am actually having some success, but it is hard.

Oh well.

Lotte is getting bigger and rolling over and over it is so cute. She also blows raspberries and she drools a lot. We are still struggling with my supply, I am at a point where I am ready to just stop but I remember Shelly’s advice, “Don’t quite on your worst day.” Right now they all see like the worst day so we just keep plugging along.

Stu is getting excited for kindergarten and will be starting swim lessons soon. He is such a big kid, he likes to help cook and is becoming a great cleaner. He is also all about his sister and loves on her all the time.

Sam is doing great. Now that we have an IEP in place he is working hard on his fine motor skills and they are improving. I think writing will always be a struggle but it sill not hold him back.

Sean is as always trying to figure out how other people work and we are working on how others see him. We are hoping we can make some strides so he can reinvent himself for junior high. He has made a few friends this year so that is better than last year.

Chris and I are still struggling with new baby stuff but it is getting better. We are toward the end of the bankruptcy. The old house is still ours for a few months so are letting some friends move in for a few months. I know this is a good decision because it helps everyone involved.

It has been nice to have a few months with no added drama. I like being able to just relax for a bit and enjoy my family.