I am beyond stressed this week. Our court date is today and I have not slept in a week worrying about how it will go. The beginning of the week it was all about the fact that we had to take all the kids because we had no sitter. Then Mickey came to the rescue and offered to take the boys so we only have to take Lotte. Now I am just feeling bad that it came to this and stressing about how to let it NEVER happen again. I always prided myself on being good with money and being on a budget and it all went nuts on me. I can not keep it all under control. There is always something that comes up and that we need money for. I will continue to keep trying but it sucks. I hope I get some sleep tonight after this is all over today 5 hours a night is not enough.
On top of all of that school starts in 2 weeks and I don’t want to put Lotte back in daycare. I am ready for the boys to be back in school but not for daycare. I am worried that this will be the end of my nursing her. With all the struggles we have had I can’t believe we made it 6 months, I did not think we would make it 12 weeks. But I am not ready to quite. This is the last baby I will nurse and I don’t want to quite. I think a lot of it will depend on my schedule at school. I only get 30 minutes for lunch and I don’t really have any place private to pump so pumping at school sucks. I really need that 30 minutes to reboot for my afternoon so I need to stop pumping at lunch and as long as I have a plan close to lunch I will be able to pump but we will just have to see what happens.
So what else is on my mind right now. Sean going to middle school. I am so worried about how he will cope with the other kids. He has spend the summer reading personality books to see how he reacts to things and how others react to him. He seems to be coping better at home but we will see how it goes once school starts. We (Chris and I) have decided that is it time for Sean to get better clothes for school, we will be going to the mall and I am sure dropping some money on clothes. This does not make my money stress any better but I know for me in school a big reason I was such a nerd was because I never had the right clothes. So while this may be my issue it will make be feel better if I do whatever I can to help him fit in. I love this kid and I just want things to be easier for him than it was for me.
What about Sam? How will he do this year at a new school now that he has an IEP and a diagnosis. Will his new school support him in the way he needs? I just don’t know.
And Stu starts school for the first time. Will he still love his babies and princesses? Is he going to feel different because of who he is? I don’t even know.
On top of everything else I am trying to lose weight again and I am actually having some success, but it is hard.
Oh well.
